Here we go again...

Yep. That's right! I'm pregnant again.

I can't remember if I posted the sequence of events after my miscarriage.... That they told me to wait a couple of months, then they gave me a round of Provera (progesterone) to induce a period (because I NEVER have them on my own) and said I could take Clomid to induce ovulation.... I did the progesterone, but decided to hold off on the Clomid and give God a chance to "do his thang" without my assistance. Sure enough, He proved Himself faithful once again. Exactly 3 months after the miscarriage, I am prego again. I'm only about 3 weeks, so I don't go in to the doctor for another month. At that time, I'll have an ultrasound as well as blood work to monitor my hormone levels. I went in yesterday to check them, and both my progesterone and hCG levels were good (53 and 256, respectively.) My doc went ahead and put me on Prometrium (a stronger progesterone supplement) to help thicken the uterine lining and sustain the early pregnancy. I will take this for at least another month, if not two. For now, I just sit back and work on growing a baby.

I thought I'd be more worried this time around. But I'm not (yet?). I am at peace with whatever cards God deals me. I figure, I survived one miscarriage, I could survive another. (But I pray that I don't have to! Hopefully God doesn't over-estimate me.)

You may not be surprised to hear that my mind is reeling with lists of lists I need to make of things to get done over the summer (mostly FUN things!), and in the next 9 months.... so I may back off the blogging a little. I still have some pics from our Cali trip to post... it may be a few days, tho! I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats, right??????

Please please pray for another healthy Hill baby.... boy or girl, I don't care one bit!

Just FYI

For some reason, when I publish posts that were initially saved as "drafts," they appear on my blog under the date that I originally created them. So if I've posted since then, they appear after the more recent post and you might miss them! (I know, that would be a tragedy if you missed any of the exciting things that go on around the Hill household right? HA!!!! This is really for the grandparents more than anyone!)

So anyway, I just published several things, but you have to scroll down past the eczema post to see it all.... Just FYI, in case you are really bored. There are some cute pics!

Have a great Monday!

Closure

I got my results back from the chromosome tests they ran on the baby (they call it "fetal tissue" but I still call it my baby.) The report was as good as we could have prayed for--NO noted chromosomal defects--but I also found out what it was. I was driving to the mall when the nurse called, and it kind of caught me off guard. She immediately told me the good news, and then asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby. Without thinking, I said yes.


It was a girl.


I knew it was a girl.


What if that was my only girl? Of course me knowing the sex doesn't change the sex of that baby, but somehow not knowing left me hopeful that the next one would be a girl. Now I worry that she was my only daughter. Stupid, Valerie! God has this figured out, it's already on the books. You just can't see the books yet.


So now I mourn all over again. It's not as much of an emotional trainwreck as the first time around, but I feel like now I know who I'm grieving for. Does that make sense? At least this is closure... I don't have to worry that it's some rare gene that I'm passing on to my unborn children or something. She just wasn't meant to be here. It is what it is, and my questions and worries don't change a thing. So I'll just trust Him.

What Keeps Me Going

“Many are the plans in a man's heart,

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.”

(Proverbs 19:21).

Mike and I have this conversation over and over:

Me: "So I've been thinking... Wouldn't it be fun if... And we could... So can you take off work on these days... And then what if..."

You get the idea.

Mike: "That is like 12 minutes from now. Why are you already thinking that far ahead? A lot can happen between now and then. Let's just wait and see, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it..."

Again, you get the idea.

I am a planner. I thrive on "projects." At any given time, I have at least 9 ideas that are rolling around in my head of things I want to "work on." It may be a craft project, an outing, a trip, a holiday celebration, a get-together with family or friends, an organization/cleaning exploit, an exercise goal, a mass cooking endeavor, a plot to surprise my husband (I have yet to successfully accomplish this one)...

Mike says I create unnecessary work for myself. I see my projects not as a chore, but as something to look forward to. These are the things that get me thru the work week! (These are also the things that keep me from falling asleep some nites because I can't get my mind to power down!!)

Anyway, yesterday I was thinking about all the fun things we have to look forward to this spring and summer. I love spring and fall because they mark the kickoff of the two totally different, yet equally exciting halves of the year. In the fall, we anticipate the cooler weather, the leaves changing colors, pumpkin patches, trick or treating, enjoying way too much food with our families for Thanksgiving, hot chocolate, cookie exchanges, decorating for Christmas and celebrating Jesus' birthday. Springtime brings us new life-the world around us thaws out (for those of us living in arctic terrains like Kansas City), flowers bloom, children emerge from hibernation and scatter into neighborhood yards and parks. We shop for special Easter outfits, we pull out our shorts and flip flops. We enjoy (again) way too much food and candy while we celebrate Jesus' resurrection, and we count down the days till the pools open! (The only downside to summer break is that for us grown-ups, it does not exist.)

Here is what the brainstorm in my head would look like on paper line:
(click on the red links if you want details!)

running as many 5k races as i can so i can get the fun t-shirts.the parents-as-teachers earth day carnival on april 18th.celebrating easter with our family and hosting our first easter egg hunt for some friends and their kiddos.deanna rose farmstead opening in april.visiting nana star and papa t and our wonderful friends in tulsa in april.organizing a girl's day/mother's day celebration for the mom's in my family.farmer's markets opening in may.our neighborhood pool opening memorial day wkend.visiting grammy sue and papaw in norman over memorial day.going to the sugarland concert for my 29th b-day (thank you husband!!!).getting the go-ahead from my OB to try again in may.brax's first swim lessons for two weeks in june.unlimited classes for brax thru the summer at my gym.outdoor play-sprinklers,the park,picnics,sidewalk chalk,the water table.water parks!attempting to surprise mike for father's day (any ideas???).the zoo.our annual 4th of july celebration at aunt kathi's farm house.brax's 2nd birthday on july 22!

And that was just a rough draft.

I'm telling ya'll, I need a tranquilizer. But it's SO FUN to look forward to things!

With that said, I have to remind myself daily to slllllowwww....dowwwwnnnn and enjoy the moment. I have to insist to myself, "Self, hold that thought. Take THIS moment in, savor it. It will be gone in the blink of an eye." This especially holds true with Brax; we all know that children don't stay little for long.

An important introspection that sometimes gets lost while all these other ideas are blowing around in the wind tunnel between my ears is the point that is made in the scripture I referenced above.

“Many are the plans in a man's heart,

but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.”

(Proverbs 19:21).

It's fun for me to have all these things to plan for and look forward to, but am I spending enough time preparing for my ultimate destination? Am I following the path that God has laid out for me? Do I allow my soul to be quieted long enough to actually hear His directions?

Just in case you need a visual, this is the image

that best describes my brain activity sometimes most of the time:

Just in case you need a translation of this random analogy:
Replace the dollar bills with my random thoughts. Get it now?

What are YOUR plans for this new season???????

Salt in the Wound

We have started getting the bills for my D&C... I really think that if you don't get to bring a baby home with you, then you shouldn't have to pay. There should be a "miscarriage/stillborn/lost-a-baby" fund that pays for all procedures pertaining to such circumstances. There is nothing worse than getting thousands of dollars of bills for a baby you didn't get to have. My hospital bill alone was almost 12k (I wasn't even there for 4 hours!). Of course our insurance helps immensely, but we will still end up paying anywhere from $2,ooo to $4,000 out of pocket once it's all said and done. Blaaahhhh. Hmmmpph. Sniff. That's all I have to say about that.

Wkend Randoms, and Utie Update

What a great weekend! Is it springtime yet??? We did get to enjoy the outdoors quite a bit, which always makes for a very happy kiddo.
As for my utie (uterus!), I found out Friday (after Thursday's hcG check) that my count has dropped from 101 to 29. That is good. I go back next Thurs. for another draw, and hopefully the count will have zeroed out by then. It should also be soon that we get the results for the chromosome screening they did on the baby. I am anxious to have all the answers, be back to normal, and start over.

Playing at the park.

What is this face????!!!

"Whatttt?"

"I see you, Momma!"

Such a happy fella'.

This rocking chair was one of the best investments we made when we bought "baby paraphanalia." It is made by Dutailier; it rocks, reclines, and glides, and is covered in very cleanable microfiber. It is extra wide, so all 3 feet of "baby" still fit across my lap! I have used this chair literally every day and every nite for 19 months now! Anyway, Brax now loves to climb in it all by himself before bathtime and peruse his books. Sometimes he'll just sit with his hands on his belly and rock away.

"Helping" me cook.

I made a junk drawer for him in the kitchen, filled with lots of stuff to play with while I'm cooking, but he always insists on being up where the action is.

State of My Uterus Address

I got my results back from my blood draw/quantitative hCG test yesterday. This was done on Friday--11 days post-D&C. The hCG test measures the amount of hCG ("pregnancy" hormone) in your blood. A level of 0-5 is considered normal/not pregnant. After a miscarriage/D&C, it can take several days to several weeks for this to return to normal. My # was at 101. What does this mean? It means that it has significantly decreased (this number peaks out at around 288,ooo between the 9th and 12th week of pregnancy--I was 11 weeks), but it is not where they want it yet. So I go back on Thursday for another draw, and I'll know on Friday where my hCG level is (that would put me at 17 days post-D&C.)

IF the hormone hasn't zeroed out, then I assume they'll continue to test me weekly or bi-weekly for awhile. The concern I have in the back of my mind is this whole molar pregnancy thing. Like I said before, Doc mentioned this as a possibility due to the excess amount of blood and the large size of my uterus at the time of the D&C. However, he did not suspect this based on the last ultrasound I had, and the preliminary pathology reports did not indicate molar tissue. But we still have to wait on the chromosome test results to be sure. Of course, I have been doing way too much Googling on the subject. Here's what else I found... In my case, it would have been a partial mole (instead of complete) because there WAS a fetus.

Definition
A hydatidiform mole is a relatively rare condition in which tissue around a fertilized egg that normally would have developed into the placenta instead develops as an abnormal cluster of cells. (This is also called a molar pregnancy.) This grapelike mass forms inside of the uterus after fertilization instead of a normal embryo. A hydatidiform mole triggers a positive pregnancy test and in some cases can become cancerous.

Description
A hydatidiform mole ("hydatid" means "drop of water" and "mole" means "spot") occurs in about 1 out of every 1,500 (1/1,500) pregnancies in the United States. In some parts of Asia, however, the incidence may be as high as 1 in 200 (1/200). Molar pregnancies are most likely to occur in younger and older women (especially over age 45) than in those between ages 20-40. About 1-2% of the time a woman who has had a molar pregnancy will have a second one.
A molar pregnancy occurs when cells of the chorionic villi (tiny projections that attach the placenta to the lining of the uterus) don't develop correctly. Instead, they turn into watery clusters that can't support a growing baby. A partial molar pregnancy includes an abnormal embryo (a fertilized egg that has begun to grow) that does not survive. In a compete molar pregnancy there is a small cluster of clear blisters or pouches that don't contain an embryo.
If not removed, about 15% of moles can become cancerous. They burrow into the wall of the uterus and cause serious bleeding. Another 5% will develop into fast-growing cancers called choriocarcinomas. Some of these tumors spread very quickly outside the uterus in other parts of the body. Fortunately, cancer developing from these moles is rare and highly curable.

Causes and symptoms
The cause of hydatidiform mole is unclear; some experts believe it is caused by problems with the chromosomes (the structures inside cells that contain genetic information) in either the egg or sperm, or both. It may be associated with poor nutrition, or a problem with the ovaries or the uterus. A mole sometimes can develop from placental tissue that is left behind in the uterus after a miscarriage or childbirth.
Women with a hydatidiform mole will have a positive pregnancy test and often believe they have a normal pregnancy for the first three or four months. However, in these cases the uterus will grow abnormally fast. By the end of the third month, if not earlier, the woman will experience vaginal bleeding ranging from scant spotting to excessive bleeding. She may have hyperthyroidism (overproduction of thyroid hormones causing symptoms such as weight loss, increased appetite, and intolerance to heat). Sometimes, the grapelike cluster of cells itself will be shed with the blood during this time. Other symptoms may include severe nausea and vomiting and high blood pressure. As the pregnancy progresses, the fetus will not move and there will be no fetal heartbeat.

Diagnosis
The physician may not suspect a molar pregnancy until after the third month or later, when the absence of a fetal heartbeat together with bleeding and severe nausea and vomiting indicates something is amiss.
First, the physician will examine the woman's abdomen, feeling for any strange lumps or abnormalities in the uterus. A tubal pregnancy, which can be life threatening if not treated, will be ruled out. Then the physician will check the levels of human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), a hormone that is normally produced by a placenta or a mole. Abnormally high levels of hCG together with the symptoms of vaginal bleeding, lack of fetal heartbeat, and an unusually large uterus all indicate a molar pregnancy. An ultrasound of the uterus to make sure there is no living fetus will confirm the diagnosis.

Treatment
It is extremely important to make sure that all of the mole is removed from the uterus, since it is possible that the tissue is potentially cancerous. Often, the tissue is naturally expelled by the fourth month of pregnancy. In some instances, the physician will give the woman a drug called oxytocin to trigger the release of the mole that is not spontaneously aborted.
If this does not happen, however, a vacuum aspiration can be performed to remove the mole. In a procedure similar to a dilatation and curettage (D & C), a woman is given an anesthetic (to deaden feeling during the procedure), her cervix (the structure at the bottom of the uterus) is dilated and the contents of the uterus is gently suctioned out. After the mole has been mostly removed, gentle scraping of the uterus lining is usually performed.
If the woman is older and does not want any more children, the uterus can be surgically removed (hysterectomy) instead of a vacuum aspiration because of the higher risk of cancerous moles in this age group.
Because of the cancer risk, the physician will continue to monitor the patient for at least two months after the end of a molar pregnancy. Since invasive disease is usually signaled by high levels of hCG that don't go down after the pregnancy has ended, the woman's hCG levels will be checked every two weeks. If the levels don't return to normal by that time, the mole may have become cancerous.
If the hCG level is normal, the woman's hCG will be tested each month for six months, and then every two months for a year.
If the mole has become cancerous, treatment includes removal of the cancerous issue and chemotherapy. If the cancer has spread to other parts of the body, radiation will be added. Specific treatment depends on how advanced the cancer is.
Women should make sure not to become pregnant within a year after hCG levels have returned to normal. If a woman were to become pregnant sooner than that, it would be difficult to tell whether the resulting high levels of hCG were caused by the pregnancy or a cancer from the mole.

Prognosis
A woman with a molar pregnancy often goes through the same emotions and sense of loss as does a woman who has a miscarriage. Most of the time, she truly believed she was pregnant and now has suffered a loss of the baby she thought she was carrying. In addition, there is the added worry that the tissue left behind could become cancerous.
In the unlikely case that the mole is cancerous the cure rate is almost 100%. As long as the uterus was not removed, it would still be possible to have a child at a later time.

Another interesting link HERE

I need to quit worrying... I have been filled with anxiety since this miscarriage. It sucks. I don't want to feel jaded every time I'm pregnant from now on. I want to feel that ignorant bliss I felt when I was pregnant with Brax. I should read the Bible more about NOT worrying and trusting in God's plan... any suggestions? Besides Prozac??!!

The One

I've been really trying to put a label on my feelings the past couple of days. (As my husband has said before, I always over-think things!) I can't figure out why I was fine shortly after finding out I had miscarried (by that afternoon I seemed to be logical, rational, and accepting of what had happened.) We went on about the weekend as if it were any other. But then Monday, after the D&C, it hit me. Not sure WHAT hit me, but something did. Hormones, I guess. Here's the best way I can describe how it feels, at least for me. I'm sure everyone feels differently.


I would describe my sadness as the kind you feel after a break up. Not just any break up, tho. The kind where you were sure that person was the one. You have planned and dreamed in your head all the details: The wedding, the dog you're going to buy together, how you will decorate your first home, the vacations you will take, the children you will have with that person. You have told all of your friends and family about the one, and they are all in love with him too.


Then you realize that the person you loved, the one you imagined spending the rest of your life with, is not the one for you. You know that you cannot change them. You cannot change the outcome of the relationship that is on the brink of failure. You accept that you must move on, you accept that it just wasn't meant to be. You take down all his pictures, you go out with your friends and assure them (and yourself) that you are FINE. But in the back of your mind... you wonder, Was it something I did? Something I said? What if....? But it's too late, they are already gone. Their stuff is moved out, their phone number is changed, they are gone.


The days go by. You are confident that one day, you will find the one that is truly meant to be in your arms. But you still wake up every morning and roll over, expecting that person to be there, and they are not. You feel that emptiness, that reminder that this is really real. They are the last thing you think about as you fight your way to sleep. Throughout your day, you find yourself looking ahead on the calendar at dates that were marked to include that person. You have to get a new planner because you wrote it all in pen. When you show up to your cousin's destination wedding alone, you remind yourself how much more miserable you would have been taking someone who was no longer the one. Yet you dread telling people that it's over when they inevitibly ask how things are going with the one.

Does all that make any sense at all???

One day, I will wake up and my empty (yet muffin-topped) belly won't be the first thing I think about. One day, I will be awakened by the cry of a new baby, and I won't be able to imagine having any other baby than THAT one (besides Brax, of course.) THAT will be the one that is meant for me to hold. That will be the one that I will repaint the ugly green spare bedroom for. That baby will be the one to go to Disney World with us, to be in our dorky Christmas card picture, to steal Brax's crib from him. I will get thru the holidays and events that I thought would include this baby, knowing how heartbreaking they would have been if this baby had been born unhealthy and then taken from me later. I will love and hold and cherish my little boy, and let his greasy, naked, full-body hugs heal my heart. (See previous post HERE)

Thank You Dr. April!!!!

The dentist I used to work for in Tulsa sent me the most beautiful bouquet today! After I woke up from my three hour nap, this was on my kitchen table!!!!! I had to take 3 pictures of it to get all the angles, it is just so pretty! Thank you so much, Dr. April, you made my day :-)

No Better Way To End This Day

Don't feel like writing much right now... the emotions hit me pretty hard today after it was all said and done. But I suppose it gets better from here.

And this moment made me pretty dang happy...

After Brax's bath in the evening, I wrap him in his towel and we go to his room. I slather him with Aquaphor and Cetaphil (this was the cure for his eczema) while I sing to him. The past couple of nights, he has insisted on standing up and clinging onto me like a baby chimp (before I can even get the diaper on) and giving me really long hugs, while he lays his head on my shoulder and pats me on the back. (When I say really long, I mean like 30 seconds, but that is an eternity for this busy boy!) Mike ran and got the camera and was able to capture this precious moment (who knows how long this hugging phase will last!) It is seriously the greatest thing EVER. It kind of makes me chuckle, thinking about how someday he's going to be a grown man, and probably be a little weirded out that he used to give his momma big, greasy, naked, full-body hugs like this. But I LOVE it! He's still my baby, for now.

Reasons to Smile

This weekend hasn't been all sad....

Brax never fails to brings smiles to our faces!

Here are some happy randoms...

Snuggling with Grammy Sue one morning.

My mom came Saturday nite and brought her little Yorkie, Charlie.

Brax LOVES him!!!!!!!! He is thrilled to have a playmate.

Charlie does not feel the same way.

Since Charlie wouldn't play, Brax made his own fun with Charlie's bed.

Finally, Charlie let Brax pet him!

I thought he would think this was fun. Not so much.

"Now THIS is fun!"

Sliding around with Nana Star.

"Jumping" off a magazine holder thing.

Research and Blessings

I ask a lot of questions. I can never accept an answer without a supporting explanation. (You can imagine my parents' frustration when they would say "Because I said so," and I would respond with "But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????") The same applies to this situation. I am very interested in the physiology of what went wrong here. I Googled "fetal nuchal translucency" (the medical term for that bulge behind the baby's head/neck area) and found the following:

First, here are some images I compared. The first is MY ultrasound from Friday, at 11 weeks (The baby was measuring at 10 weeks, 4 days, so I guess that means we lost it earlier in the week.)

The rest are other images I found on Google of FNT's.

Mine

Others:

Everything I read was consistent in indicating that a thickened nuchal translucency is essentially a diagnosis of a chromosomal abnormality, specifically Trisomies 21, 18, and 13. Trisomy 21 is Down's Syndrome (which in and of itself is not fatal, and is hardly the worst thing that could happen), but it is also closely linked to severe heart defects. Trisomies 18 and 13 are much worse, and are almost always life threatening.

click HERE to learn more about what a FNT is.

clike HERE for more about FNT's

click HERE to learn more about the related chromosomal abnormalities

After reading this information, I am even more at peace with the path God has chosen for us with this baby. I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I have to admit that I am thankful He did not over-estimate me here. It is every mother's worst nightmare to have to watch their baby suffer.

So.... I go in tomorrow morning at 8am, D&C at 10, should be home by noon.

And then we go on from there...

P.S. Thank you so much to all you girls (family AND friends alike) that have called to check on me, emailed me, and talked me thru this.... Seriously, what would we do without girlfriends??????????? I am so blessed to have "sisters." I love you!!

What do you title the post where you're telling everyone you had a miscarriage?

Well I think most of my friends and family already know what happened today, but here are the details. I remember when I blogged that we were pregnant, Mike thought I should wait awhile "just in case," and I recall saying, "Even if something DOES happen, it makes me feel better to talk about stuff like that rather than hold it all in... I'm NOT a private person!" Well, something DID happen, and I still feel the same way. I've already been comforted my many words and prayers from friends--I can't imagine not sharing this kind of thing.

I had a check up today (11 weeks along). Mike has been in Florida since Wednesday, but his mom is here with Brax and I. I went alone to my appointment, since I knew Brax would have more fun playing at home w/ Grammy than sitting in a waiting room. I went in to hear the heartbeat for the first time, and of course I whipped out my camera to record it so I could show Mike later. For whatever reason, I waited to start recording until he actually found it. He joked that I jinxed him by putting him on the spot. About a minute later, he suggested we get a sono... maybe my uterus was tilted and that's why he was having a hard time finding the heartbeat. I asked him if I should be worried yet. He said no. So I wasn't.

I went back to the waiting room until a sono tech was ready. Kim, the same tech that scanned me every time with Brax, happened to be the first available. I LOVE her, she is like a good friend. She started the external belly scan, and I immediately knew it was gone. The baby was much bigger than last time, but there was no sign of that little flutter in it's chest. She then did an internal scan, just in case, but still nothing. I could tell she was flustered, nervous. I was trying not to cry so my belly wouldn't shake. She went and grabbed the Doc, he came in to look and confirmed it. Doc was pretty unemotional about it, very kind, but he left pretty quickly. (I guess even male doctors hate seeing women cry!!!) Kim cried with me and hugged me. I was so thankful it was her that did the scan. Doc also pointed out all the structural abnormalities, which Kim agreed that she had noticed too. I'm not a sono expert, but even I can see that the baby wasn't formed right. I posted a few different images below... the first is Brax's sono at 8 weeks along, so you can see "normal." You can clearly see his head, distinctly from his body, as well as the spinal column. Then there is this baby's 8 week sono. I remember thinking it looked more blobby than Brax did--but I just credited Brax for being more photogenic. Then there is this baby's sono from today...

Brax at 8 wks

This one at 8 weeks

Today... Do you see the bulge behind it's head? And the outline around it's abdominal organs, that's fluid. Also, they said something about the amniotic sac around it not being right.

I know SO MANY people who have had miscarriages. You NEVER think it will happen to YOU, tho. I left in a hurry, a blur. Called Mike, parents, etc. Came home and cried, thankful Grammy Sue was here. Brax wiped my tears. I put him down for a nap... he let me rock him to sleep which I was thankful for (sometimes he wiggles around till I put him in bed.) I needed to snuggle him. I talked to God a little while I rocked him. I thanked Him for Brax, and I thanked him for taking this baby to be with Him and making it perfect NOW, rather than letting it be born, letting it suffer, letting my heart break even more watching that... I KNOW that this is so much better, but with that said, I am still sad. Sad to let go of the dreams I had for THIS baby, sad to scratch out all the weekly countdowns I had in my planner, sad that I have to carry a baby that is not alive in my belly until Monday, sad that when I wake up from that D&C all that will be left is my huge gut, sad that I was complaining about having a huge gut this whole time, guilty that maybe it was something I did to make it's chromosomes go all wacko (they will test the chromosomes after the D&C so maybe we'll know more later), logically knowing that it was not... sad that we have to wait to try again (but I'm sure learning patience had something to do with this plan God has for us).... oh I could go on but I'd rather focus on the good.

I have a perfect, healthy, handsome, ornery little boy. I have a perfect baby waiting in heaven for me when I get there someday, but right now my Grandma is taking care of her (she never got to meet any of her great grand children.) I did not have to watch my child suffer here on earth, unlike many mothers I have read about on these blogs.

Oh and by the way, I helped myself to some retail therapy today. I bought some new running shoes... it's been exactly one year since I've run anywhere other than across the room to keep Brax from throwing away his toys. I'll let you know my first run goes!

Mike just pulled into the drive... looking forward to a big hug :-)

Belly Pic

8 Weeks-Sucking it in.

I asked the sono tech more than once if she was SURE there was only one in there.

This baby apparently wants to make her presence known more than Brax did.

(Yes, I said "her," but whatever...)

8 Weeks

I had a sono today--

"You mean I was in there, too???? EEEEEWWW!"

I found this on babycenter.com--what the baby looks like right now in 3D.

Here is a short clip from the sono where you can see the little heart fluttering away. The baby is only the size of a kidney bean right now, and it's heart is already working. Amazing.

And Burbank, don't worry--I will get an 8 week belly shot posted as promised--

but not right now. I just ate an entire Freschetta pizza myself, and I only want a picture of the real baby, not the food baby.

Recruiting Update

My weekly update from BabyCenter.com:

Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.

(I had to get out a blueberry just to see!)

If you could see inside your womb, you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of your baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body.


Your uterus has doubled in size in the past five weeks, and eating may feel like a chore — or worse — thanks to morning sickness, which by now may be in full swing. (If you're feeling fine, don't worry — you're lucky!)You may need to pee more than usual, too, thanks to your increasing blood volume and the extra fluid being processed through your kidneys. (By now, you already have about 10 percent more blood than you did before you were pregnant. And by the end of your pregnancy, you'll have 40 to 45 percent more blood running through your veins to meet the demands of your full-term baby.) As your uterus grows, pressure on your bladder will send you to the bathroom as well.

6 Weeks Prego

At six weeks along, our recruit is about 9 mm long. To put this in perspective, I took a photo of a periodontal probe next to my thumbnail.
This instrument is used to measure the pocket between a patient's tooth and the surrounding gum tissue. It is marked in 3 mm increments.
9 mm is the distance between the two yellow arrows.
It's amazing what God can do with a mere 9 millimeters...

How your baby's growing: At six weeks gestation, the nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones.
(from babycenter.com)

And in keeping with Becca's Keepin' It Real theme,
here are some pics of my belly.

This is me now, at 6 weeks along, with the new recruit. Sucking it in, btw.

Here I was at 8 weeks along with Brax.
Yes, I was 2 weeks further.
I'm afraid this is gonna get ugly.

Front shot at 6 wks this time.

Front shot at 8 weeks w/ Brax.

P.S. Mike just walked by and saw this post and said, "Honey, are you SURE you want to put those pictures on there???" Please feel free to shoot him an email telling him things he SHOULD NOT say to his pregnant wife--mikehill06@gmail.com

And in my defense, I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant with Brax! I have not been to the gym since I was 5 months pregnant with him!

Adorable Little Yolk Sac

Had my OB appt. yesterday... Couldn't see much but the yolk sac (makes it sound like I'm making scrambled eggs in there doesn't it?). They estimate that I'm 5 weeks/4 days gestation (which somehow translates into the fetus being 3 weeks/4 days old... whatever...) and my due date is September 11. If The Recruit is anything like Brax, I assume it'll be big and early. I'm guessing it will be born in August. Anyway... here is our beautiful yolk sac, isn't it pretty???
Ha ha ha. I go back in 3 weeks for another sono--we'll see more then!

Update On Our New Recruit

So yes, I'm pregnant again! This may be TMI for some, but it's my blog so I can post TMI if I want :-)
I don't have periods unless I'm on the pill, and evidently I rarely ovulate, so with both Brax and this year's new recruit, my pregnancies are nothing short of miraculous (ALL pregnancies are, tho!) With B, I didn't find out I was pregnant until I went in for an ultrasound to look for a tumor. Instead, they found an 8 week old fetus! We had spent months thinking that I was "broken," when instead, I had somehow managed to get prego. This time around, I knew I wasn't "broken," but was also aware of the fact that my reproductive machinery doesn't work like the manual says it's supposed to. After an HSG test (where they squirt dye thru the uterus and fallopian tubes and watch for obstructions on an x-ray), my OB put me on progesterone (as they did with Brax) and apparently that's all I need to get the wheels turning. I had filled a script for Clomid that I was supposed to start with my next cycle to induce ovulation...
Because of my unique (I guess it's unique?) circumstance, I go in tomorrow for an ultrasound and an OB check. It's my understanding that they will then be able to pinpoint a due date? I am estimating that it will be mid-September.
I have to say, trying to get pregnant this time was so much less stressful than the first. It's pretty cool what a little faith in God will do...

Scavenger Hunt

Last week I had a fun surprise for Mike.

It was a scavenger hunt, and Brax was a big helper...
You can play too...

"It'll be 5 years this month
Since you made me your wife.
You've given me SO MANY gifts-
The best of which is sharing this life.
I have a present for you
That I couldn't wait to share.
But I'm gonna make you hunt for it
So play along like you care!
Now go inside-
You have a prize to find.
Go where you'd find a drink
To clear your mind..."

Mike coming in the door from work after finding that first note on the door from the garage.

In the fridge...
"Clue 2 is where Brax loves to play.
Clue 3 is here to lead the way."


On Brax's coloring table in the playroom...
"Clue 3 is where you'll find your seat
Signed by someone really neat."

On his stadium seat signed by George Brett...
"Clue 4 is hidden in my least favorite chore.
Everytime you do it for me
I love you more and more."

On the trashcan...
"Clue 5-Go to the place you fix your hair.
You'll find clue 6 waiting there."

In his bathroom drawer...
"Clue 6-Now go to where Brax loves to hide.
You'll find clue 7 to be your guide."

In the bathroom downstairs, where Brax like to shut himself with the lights off...
"In this chair you sat and ate.
It's here you'll find clue number 8."

On his chair at the kitchen table...
"Clue 8-The walls were covered with famous faces.
Even tho Brax tore them
It's still one of his favorite places."

In Brax's box (which used to be wallpapered in pictures from sports magazines)...
"This is where Brax and I rock.
We read books and snuggle till 7 o'clock."

In Brax's glider...
"Clue 10-You've been a good sport.
You've searched everywhere.
Now go relax in your favorite chair!"

In his chair in the living room...
"Brax told me to tell you
He's really hot.
Take off his sweatshirt-
X marks the spot!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What does his shirt say?????????

BIG BROTHER! Brax is going to be a big brother...
September/October I think????

This was me, at 6:45 in the morning, after I took the test.
It was all I could do to not wake Mike up,

waving the pee-stick wildly in his face.
But I managed to delay my gratification because I love to make these kinds of things
as corny as humanly possible. I waited till that evening after work.

This is Brax, after the big hurrah.

As you can see, he has better things to concern himself with than the fact that in 9 months,
he is not going to be "the baby" anymore,
someone else will be sleeping in his crib,
and he's going to have to SHARE his Momma and Daddy and Aunt Lulu everyday...
Proof that ignorance is bliss.

P.S. I made Mike go up and down the stairs 8 times on this hunt. I'm corny AND mean.

Hee hee hee hee.