I went for my 34 week check up today... all is well. I go again in 2 weeks, then every week from there on out. With Brax, I was 1 cm and 50% effaced at 36 weeks, then 3 cm and 80% effaced at my 37 week check up the next Friday. I went in to labor the next day!
So it's sort of hitting me that I could potentially have this baby in like 3 weeks. Which I'm now realizing is not much time!!!! I have everything ready for Harper--her room is ready, clothes are washed... we just need to put the swing back together and put the car seat in the car. I have most everything I need set out to pack in my hospital bag (MUCH less stuff than the first time around!!!!!). But for some reason, I just don't feel ready. I am ready for her, just not ready for two. How does it work????
When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Brax, I had everything checked off my "list." I felt like I had everything under control. Now I feel anything but. Having a child has turned my once manageable "list" into a revolving catalog of things that need to be taken care of. I have established a routine that keeps the chaos controlled, but the thought of adding a new baby to the mix makes me wonder how it's at all possible to ever regain a handle on things. And I don't just mean everyday life and the "chores" that go along with it... I mean the BIGGER things, like being a friend to my husband and meeting his needs (which thankfully, he insists are few) so that he doesn't feel like he's only here to follow my "orders," and being a patient mom who savors these fleeting moments of my kids' early years instead of getting caught up in the aforementioned chaos.
The logistics of two children seem so much more complicated with one. I know people do it all the time, but HOW? How is does it work when they BOTH need you at the same time? How do you give them BOTH enough love and attention? How do you play with your toddler and still rest and snuggle with your newborn? How do you get a toddler in his carseat and the infant carrier in the base both from the same side of the car? How do you perfect the timing of naps and outings? How do you get anything else done besides the meeting the basic needs of these two small humans? I realize that one major change will be that Brax will no longer be the center of attention (which is a great life lesson in and of itself), but how does that happen without making him feel like he's being pushed aside... rejected... replaced?? How will I have the patience to discipline him and teach him what our new "normal" is going to be when I'm sleep deprived? I feel guilty already...
4 comments:
Wow, you are so close....I had Malorie at 37 weeks!!
Do not let all of your thoughts take hold of you, you will have time to bond with Harper, Brax will still know and continue to know that he is important and special! It just works, I cannot explain it, but it works out! Everyone, I mean everyone, learns to be patient....you will develop a new "norm" and even thought it seems impossible now, you will get things done.....I cleaned 2 bathrooms today...among many other things! Whoohoo! You can do it, and you will love every minute of it! Just embrace your time with Brax and wait to hold your sweet Harper!! Can't wait! love you girl!
btw, I expect a text when Harper is coming!!
Oh, and hope to talk to you Monday!!
I totally remember feeling just this same way! Let me start by saying IT WILL ALL BE OK! You will love having two kids, but it will definitely be an adjustment. Sometimes it will be a very hard adjustment. Other times, it will seem very natural. Some practical stuff:
Leave Harper in her carrier, which can be set down, for as long as possible. You can put her down beside your car and buckle Brax in, then pick her up and take her to the driver's side to put her in. It will get easier as Brax gets older. Now that we have Will in a booster (and he can buckle himself), he climbs in our side then goes across to his seat and is buckled before I'm finished buckling Cy in. Most of the time, he unbuckles himself when we get home then walks over and unbuckles Cy too. :)
In the early days when she may be needy, take advantage of grandparents or other loved ones who offer help. As much as I wanted to do everything for Will that I'd done before, it just wasn't always possible in the beginning. I wanted him to feel special, even though I was dealing with a colicky, screaming infant. Having him spend time with grandparents (and Daddy, of course) was a good way to help him adjust. I also made sure Matt had some time doing baby duty so I could spend one-on-one time with Will. That was crucial for me and Will!
Give yourself permission to not get it all done. There will be days when meeting their needs will be ALL you can do, and you'll feel like doing that is more than you handle. It will get easier, I promise. There will be stages where their naps will be on opposite schedules. She'll take 2 naps a day, and he'll take one right in between. It's just life. It won't last forever. You'll start to figure out how to run errands and the best time of the day for all 3 of you, but it might be trial and error. That's ok. It will not be the end of the world if you have to leave in the middle of a dinner out or halfway through a grocery shopping trip.
I'm almost 3 years out from when I was having this same freak out, and I had another one after Cy was born. It was a hard adjustment, but it got easier! I can say now that there's nothing better than seeing my kids play together. It will all be worth the stress and fatigue. I still have days when I'm completely exhausted at the end of the day (or at noon- ha!), but they also free me up a little because they play together! I'm no longer the only playmate for Will.
You will be just fine. Try to relax as much as you can and realize that if all the moms of 2+ kids can do it, you can too! Just like you figured out how to adapt to Brax, his personality, his schedule, etc., you will adapt to having two. You will make mistakes and get frustrated, but you will also surprise yourself at how you figure it out.
Deep breaths... :)
Girl, your going to be fine! I have a 5 year old little boy and recently just had a little girl. I think everyone goes through what you are going through. I am a big neat freak, I have learned just to let some things go. All that can wait, just try to take it all in. They grow up way to fast, and you will never get it back. Knowing that Mira is my last child, I have learned to be more patient. Trying to embrace every moment. Although, I do lose it with my 5 year old quite often. He is very hard-headed and does not take "NO" for an answer. He walks all over me, and just me. I think he has my number, he knows just what to do to push my buttons. Although, he has made it more difficult, we have managed. However, he loves his baby sister and is very protective of her, but does often get jealous. You just have to make sure you set time aside just for him. You're his mommy, he knows you love him. We are only human, just do the best you can do. Raising kids is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and its only the beginning. I just look at all the other mothers out there. Everyone is somehow surviving. You will do great, I have no doubt in my mind you are a fantastic mother and great wife.
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